insanity has come

slap me and call me sheepish

Thu, 20 Aug 2009 08:07:03 GMT

well All in all its been drama the past few days..I learned that be littled myself to a man that was not worthy of me...what a jerk..turned out he was cheating on me again and wow..but I broke my bond to him that is all that matters....he told me that the new girl was better than I but who cares yeah it hurt to hear him say that...but I don't think his life will be any better...I am just done with bullshit and need to wake up and see my value as a person...sucks small city so will run into him but I am just going to look fabulous and Turn up my nose and move on

as I learn to let go

Wed, 19 Aug 2009 03:40:17 GMT

sometimes that numb pain we feel is others and not us..it is hard at times to see the difference but it is what we need to see and feel...impathic preceptions,, are hard to deal with.. but it can be done we half to simply realize what is our emotions and what is the other person...

Sun, 02 Aug 2009 06:45:22 GMT

here just been really busy..update soon....

keeping it fun for a while lol

Wed, 17 Jun 2009 20:42:36 GMT

fuuny

Wed, 17 Jun 2009 08:02:55 GMT

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 21:53:10 GMT

this guy is very entertaining and makes a great point

the cure and korn... great song

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 07:37:57 GMT

seether new video

Mon, 15 Jun 2009 22:22:52 GMT

normaliy I love thier work.. but I dont like this vid..frankly it sucks... ehhh sorry just how i feel... figure share it

Body Image

Sun, 14 Jun 2009 04:25:12 GMT

amy got me thinking about how we see ourselves.... why is it that we as women let celebs.. or fashion or men tell us we are fat or thin.. I am saying from here on out... love your self you are hot no matter what size you are.. and thats that

shopping

Wed, 10 Jun 2009 20:55:26 GMT

so I used to go to a plus size store intown..it carried gothic style clothes..I am an odd size not small enough for thinner stuff and not big enough for plus size but they had gothic edge styles that fit very the well.. well the other day I walked into the store and hiphop rap style music was blairing in the shop and it looked like the Gap.. I was like wtf..
the sales lady said that they no longer carried edge clothes.. and such I was shocked...wtf... I am a size 12 but most stores carry only to ten... around here.. it was the one place i love.. oh well back to online shopping... blah.. stupid none gothic store.. I am so sad....I don;'t want booty shorts I want my black lace gothic dresses.. not to the point its vampire freak but I felt so girlie in them darn it....

forgot

Wed, 10 Jun 2009 20:46:42 GMT

do you see me
as I type here alone..
do you care.
does it matter..
I love
I live
I fear
why do I need to be here
why do I care
my love is death
my life is so little
why must I care
why must I live
why can't the embrace of sweet death take my pain
sorrow and make it no more

Mon, 08 Jun 2009 20:44:46 GMT

I feel so dambed alone..it seems I am falling into madness.. god help me.. I just don't know anymore

layout

Mon, 08 Jun 2009 20:35:55 GMT

sorry bout the crappy layout guys going to try some thing else... trail and error...

fallen

Sat, 06 Jun 2009 01:01:02 GMT

sad alone broken death gone
how I long to feel love
feel anything but this
today is just a wrong day

Mon, 01 Jun 2009 20:50:07 GMT

love this song....how I feel today alittle

hello

Mon, 01 Jun 2009 19:33:56 GMT

back things have been crazy...still no job... but I am making it so thats what counts... weather been okay...been driving around more and more.. getting out and seeing people...but I will be on more just been reclusive a bit.... sorry I have not been in touch.. so hello and I will be reading peoples blogs.. if you have any friend sujustions hit me up..one thing i am learning is I am tougher than I thought

Fri, 22 May 2009 00:38:14 GMT

I am okay just not sure what to write or say...at the moments.. feeling lost and alone ... I am sorry

here

Sat, 09 May 2009 18:10:10 GMT

thats a bout it...for now

new flu

Wed, 29 Apr 2009 20:32:10 GMT

sorry still sick just wonder what this world is coming too.. I will be back soon I promise

sick

Fri, 24 Apr 2009 16:47:11 GMT

been battling the flu..='( I will catch up soon still sick as a dog

some thing Thomas wrote to me

Fri, 17 Apr 2009 17:55:44 GMT

I LOVE YOU MORE, OF THIS I AM SURE
TIME'S MAY GET HARD AND YOU MAY FEEL YOU HAVE NOT A FRIEND,
REMEMBER YOU HAVE ME UNTIL THE END

BY THOMAS

ever time I say I love you.. he says yes but I love you more..I think he may be right I am not sure..but he never does anything that has truely hurt me..so of that I am sure

so I leave you with this song and thoughts about true love and how much time I have taken to find that right one with all the abuse and trails I have gome through..I feel truely blessed to have found someone so undrstanding..even with I doubt everything he is the counter balance in my life.

love

Thu, 16 Apr 2009 03:07:11 GMT

well the good news is thomas is moving closer to me..right now its a 45 min drive for us..he will be 2 miles from me..so we will see eachother more..It is going well.. in other news. not much ate out the other day..it was good.. walking and working out more..lost some weight.. so i will fit into those spring clothes.. bought two dresses will post later.. thats all for now hugs all

secrets

Mon, 13 Apr 2009 21:20:18 GMT

I had recently someone ask me to not tell Thomas some thing.. and it was a silly thing too..so I removed the issue so i did not half to deal with the crappy drama. I have had problems with this person in the past when it comes to Thomas.. and interfering in our relationship..or other bullshit..its stressful enough with out childish games..I don't keep secrets from thomas.. I also don't ahve shit in my life that I would need to.. I can not live like that..I am just unsure what to do about this person..I just dont' know..none of my other friends do that just that one person.. I am begining to think I am only being used to amplifiy there own fucked up drama..like throwing babies and stuff in my face..I just have about had it..I am tired of getting treated like shit.. sigh I just don't know what i should do..kristy is really starting to piss me off..I am trying to give her a chance but..I am about done

your strength

Mon, 13 Apr 2009 17:14:24 GMT

It seems you carry me through the darkest moments
At times I run from The love you show fearful of its lasting touches of humanity
And your love encirles my soul showing that anything is possible
Your strength keeps me alive and helps me embrace living with such enticement
Its because of your live that I live and I breath
I feel such wonderous joy
my heart knows that you will never let me go

thoughts

Sun, 12 Apr 2009 06:39:59 GMT

Thomas and I were in a very large crowd the other day..And I don't do well in crowds.. so he squeezed me hand and smiled and pulled me behind him.. maybe that sounds odd.. but what better place to hide than behind a guy that stands over six feet tall and you feel safe around.. made me feel alittle more at ease I just really don;t do well in crowds =)